The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
