I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
