my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
