Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he quoted the bible to break up with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize