The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
then he tried to convert me to islam
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
