New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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