You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
