i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
