This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
where are you?
Hypothermia
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
