i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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