I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize