is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
