watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
