Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
