my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
