They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
