I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
