The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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