The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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