im drinking this country out of the recession.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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