glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
