you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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