I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
