Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
