I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just had sex on a roof
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
