I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
