Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
