Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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