its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
