Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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