Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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