doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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