Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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