Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
