Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
