I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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