i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
