I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
