I need help removing her.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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