first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
