my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
