Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
