u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
