he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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