capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
