Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize