Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
