hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
