Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
