Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?

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(360): View more from Washington

drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

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(631): View more from New York

I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.

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(616): View more from Michigan

I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.

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(330): View more from Ohio

it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Glow parties are what I live for

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

Your priorities in life astound me

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(209): View more from California

You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.

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(541): View more from Oregon

If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.

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