It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
