You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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