You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
