Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
