No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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