She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize