you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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