I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
