Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
