There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you have to choose: penises or morals?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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