I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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