I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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