As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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