what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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