I love black thongs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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