It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
