people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
