Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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