all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
