if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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