how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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