can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
