I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
