I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
