Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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