dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
