If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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