if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
