community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
