I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
