if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i think i just lost a toe
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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