Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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