shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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