I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
