Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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