I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
