You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
