carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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