We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
