He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
