omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
